Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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