Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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