My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
