Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
