She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Four minutes until I can fart!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
