I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
