I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
