So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
