So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
