We won't sleep together?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
