i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
