Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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