I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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