and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
