my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
