yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
