Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize