My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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