I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
