where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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