He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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