Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
