I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Say something about gay babies.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
