I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize