Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
