I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
