Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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