Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.

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(917): View more from New York City

i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

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(210): View more from Texas

she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?

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(303): View more from Colorado

i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

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(702): View more from Nevada

I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.

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(805): View more from California

my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though

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(212): View more from New York

last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.

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