just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We had to coat check the pizza.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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