I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
