the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
