I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
