Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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