possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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