I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
