i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
