Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize