I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
