Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
