I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
