we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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