my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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