I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize