"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
