someone threw a dead crab at me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
