I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
