He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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