I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
