god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
