Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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