How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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