Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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