Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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