Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
