I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
