david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
