We're facebook friends in real life
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
