yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
