Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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