i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
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