you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
