C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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