He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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