Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
