apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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