Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
