who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
