tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dignity is for republicans.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
