She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
