There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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