Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
