The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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