Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
